Below are some helpful tips for some ways that downhearted Republicans can cope with recent political changes and gracefully handle the next four years. I’m kind of proud of myself for this list – mainly because not once do I recommend watching “American Idol” or “The Bachelor” to help all of us deal with a Democratic president.
Below are some helpful tips for some ways that downhearted Republicans can cope with recent political changes and gracefully handle the next four years. I’m kind of proud of myself for this list – mainly because not once do I recommend watching “American Idol” or “The Bachelor” to help all of us deal with a Democratic president. (I don’t need to remind you to do this, though – right? I’m making some assumptions going in.)
1. First, downhearted Republicans, place a huge print of Ronald Reagan somewhere. I myself prefer the “Cowboy Era,” so I will choose a photo of Reagan on a horse at the ranch, followed by Nancy on her own horse, both wearing cute-as-all-heck neckerchiefs. You can choose any photo you like, however; Ronnie in the Oval Office, Ronnie on the East Lawn, Ronnie napping. If you place it somewhere prominently in your home (say the foyer or the guest bathroom), people will know where you stand, and there’ll be none of that awkward, “So who’d you vote for?” that usually happens when people first meet. (Or can it be that my family is too political? I had a head injury once as a kid, and instead of asking me my name, or his name, my dad propped me up and asked me who the head of Treasury was.) So calm your nerves by hanging up that Reagan print soon.
2. Stay involved in the Republican Party. Now, I say this with a grain of salt, because I DID try to order McCain signage for my front lawn during the campaign and could not get anyone to phone me back (they were probably too busy approving changes to Palin’s “SNL” script or styling Cindy McCain’s hair). Granted, Massachusetts was a goner for the Republicans, and I do live on a dead end, so maybe that was it. A sign on my yard would basically remind myself of how I feel; I could walk by and murmur a “That’s right … go McCain … it’s our year” with a slightly raised, somewhat limp fist as I walk by. Also, I’m not good at “sparring”; I had a hard time remembering any hard facts about us Republicans when asked (“Taxes, it’s taxes” was my short, emphatic reply when asked why I was “insane” – remember, I live in Massachusetts), and I could never remember if the Republicans are the elephant or the donkey. I occasionally get really side-tracked and think it’s the bulls or the bears, but that’s the stock market, which it will take the donkey to fix – or the elephant. One of the two.
3. Get a hobby going. The next four years would be a great opportunity to learn to fence or play chess or learn how to raise koi in a backyard pond. Get your mind off things a little. Before you know it, your koi will be the size of dolphins, and it will be time to rally behind Pawlenty or Palin or Romney … whoever. As we all know, it will be important to find a candidate who above all is telegenic and will play well on “SNL.” (Obama is a hard one for a comic to mimic; he has no obvious tics or major gaffes yet. Just give him a few months. So far, that’s a strength of his – un-mimicability.)
4. Fight for your beliefs. You have every right in this world to be a Republican, even if we’re now in the minority. In order to fight for your beliefs, first figure out what your beliefs are, and then … fight for them. Also, stay informed. I used to watch Fox News, but when their anchorwomen started showing up half-naked with legs gleaming from baby oil, I wrote a strongly worded e-mail and switched to MSNBC (balance is good, right?). Unfortunately, “baby oil and breasts” must just be the way anchorwomen roll these days; same thing on MSNBC. I then tried to watch Katie Couric, but I spent all my time wondering if she had gotten an eye-lift. I am now searching for an all-male news network, or maybe even an all-kid network; they’d be easier to understand, maybe.
5. Finally, Republicans, give the new president a chance. You can both stick to your moral and fiscal beliefs and be behind this president, or at least the office of the presidency. Dissent from the majority with respect, and you’ll be more likely to be heard. We’re all Americans, after all – in theory, there’s room at the table for everyone, but it takes real people with open minds and good attitudes to make that a reality. I think that’s what Ronnie would say, anyway. Although remember - I have had a head injury!
You can connect with Deirdre at www.exhaustedrapunzel.com.