Be honest with yourself, be honest with your bride and most importantly, know that you taking an active role in the planning creates far less stress for her than you staying on the sidelines and letting her make all the big decisions.
It took me so long to finally get my act together to propose, I never bothered to consider the fact I’d actually have a wedding to prepare for after I popped the question.
Getting her to say yes was the first step. Getting her to agree to elope in Vegas or head down to the Clerk of the Peace’s office was next.
No dice. Not even close.
If her family couldn’t be there it wasn’t happening. And if her family had to be there, well mine did too. My mother made that much clear. Start counting up cousins and before you know it, you might as well invite everybody. So we did.
Finding a location was the easy part. We knew what we wanted before we started shopping. Rustic, homey, lots of exposed wood ceiling beams, and oh yeah, no golf course. We looked at three places and agreed pretty quickly on the third. That was last summer. It was the last time we agreed on much of anything pertaining to the wedding.
That’s not to say there’s been a lot of fighting either − at least not after we had our little come to Jesus meeting last fall.
The reason for that little pow-wow? I was full of crap. During the first couple months of planning, my official position on any decision of significance was along the lines of “that’s fine with me,” or “whatever you want.” I told my fiancée – and myself – that whatever would make her happy would make me happy. And it was a bald-faced lie.
I cared. I cared about things I couldn’t possibly imagine caring about. I cared about the color of our ties and boutonnieres. I cared about the music. I cared about the seating arrangements. Heck, I even cared about the desserts – and I plan on drinking my dessert if I ever make it that far into that evening’s proceedings.
And it’s on that little revelation that this twists into an advice column for other guys planning to tie the knot. Be honest with yourself, be honest with your bride and most importantly, know that you taking an active role in the planning creates far less stress for her than you staying on the sidelines and letting her make all the big decisions.
It may seem at first like a hands-off approach will empower her to make her own choices, but in reality, she’ll be looking for affirmation. And in reality, somebody – whether it’s her mother or yours – is going to have her ear. It might as well be you.