I’m a lifelong, unrepentant Cleveland Browns fan and always will be, but even I no longer watch their games on the off chance they might win. The Greek poet Aeschylus wrote: “Wisdom comes only through suffering.” It’s true. The first time you pay $50 for a ticket to sit in 20-degree weather, eat $5 hotdogs and watch millionaires play football like they’re wearing blindfolds and oven mitts, you vow never to do it again.
Some years ago, I was driving down the street when a woman heading in the opposite direction made a last-second, ill-fated decision to turn in front of me.
Knowing I couldn’t avoid the collision, all I could manage to think at the moment was, “How bad is this going to hurt?”
That experience fully prepared me for this year’s Cleveland Browns season. Every game is like a bad flashback, only without the concussion, ambulance ride and shattered glass.
I’m a lifelong, unrepentant Cleveland Browns fan and always will be, but even I no longer watch their games on the off chance they might win. There’s something perversely riveting about watching a team corkscrew itself to the bottom of nearly every category except points allowed.
Like people who watch NASCAR for the collisions, I watch to see just how much worse it’s going to get.
The Greek poet Aeschylus wrote: “Wisdom comes only through suffering.” It’s true. The first time you pay $50 for a ticket to sit in 20-degree weather, eat $5 hotdogs and watch millionaires play football like they’re wearing blindfolds and oven mitts, you vow never to do it again.
Last week, the FBI notified law enforcement agencies around the county to be on heightened alert against possible terrorist attacks on sports stadiums. Well, there’s at least one safe venue. Not even Osama bin Laden could be so twisted as to heap more suffering on Browns fans.
Our own government has missed the mark, too. Why waterboard anyone when you can force them to sit though four quarters of some of the worst football being played on natural grass?
There’s talk that stadium officials may ban fans from wearing masks in the Dawg Pound. Well, sure. If you can’t identify the long-suffering saps sitting in overpriced end zone seats, the terrorists win!
As far as masks go, shouldn’t they be handing them out?
Et tu, Pittsburgh?
Dear Steelers fans: As any Browns booster can tell you, first comes denial, then anger and finally acceptance.
Now that their beloved team has lost two games in a row, probably no superlatives can adequately describe the frustration being experienced by fans of the Pittsburgh Steelers, who cruised to their sixth Super Bowl championship in February.
For years now, the Steelers have run over the Cleveland Browns like something that shouldn’t have been in the road, then backed up to see what they hit.
How does it feel to be a road bump?
The true measure of a man is how he responds to adversity. This is where the Steelers excel, and why no one in Pittsburgh is ready cast themselves from one of their bridges, into one of their rivers — not yet.
But you don’t become a winner by getting comfortable with losing. In this current climate, it doesn’t take much prodding for things to turn ugly. A few more losses and we may be seeing posters of head coach Mike Tomlin with a Hitler mustache.
If the Steelers fall again next Sunday, expect the grumbling in Pittsburgh to grow into a roar that will make the G-20 Summit anarchists look like “The Muppets Take Manhattan.”
Charita Goshay writes for the Repository in Canton, Ohio. Contact her at firstname.lastname@example.org