The recent rash of accidents involving older drivers has led to increased concerns among family members who are asking how to address their worry and concern with their parent.
Fifteen percent of licensed drivers are older than 65. Most of them are safe drivers and have developed techniques to compensate for the physical and cognitive changes that can affect driving. This includes a slower reaction time, changes in vision and/or hearing or medical problems/treatments that affect alertness and focusing ability. It is not an all-or-nothing decision. Some older drivers are assessed and found to be capable to drive during the day or with certain restrictions.
Massachusetts Jewish Family & Children’s Service has provided the following tips for initiating the potentially painful conversation with a parent when you have concerns that they may no longer be as safe behind the wheel.
1. Bring up one of the highly publicized accident cases or the proposed legislation for mandatory retesting and ask them their thoughts on the topic. Sometimes it is easier to have this initial discussion in the abstract.
2. Avoid a confrontation about why you believe they should stop or limit driving. Rather, express your worry and concern using “I” messages such as, “I really worry about you when you say you are driving somewhere. Your car has lots of scrapes and dings, and I am afraid you might get hurt or hurt someone else, which I know you would never want to do.”
3. Involve other people who have information about their ability to continue driving. This might include a partner, children, adult grandchildren and/or neighbors.
4. Acknowledge the life changes that will occur if they curtail or cease driving and come prepared with some alternative transportation ideas, including city- and state-funded transportation options, taxi vouchers and your and/or other family members’ willingness to help out.
5. Help your parent calculate the cost of running their car for a year. Make sure to include all costs from registration and insurance to gasoline and car washes. Explore what alternative transportation options would cost versus driving on their usual outings.
6. Ask to go along to a doctor’s appointment to discuss the impact of any medical conditions or medications on their driving ability.
7. Be supportive of any voluntary changes your parent has made to compensate for declining abilities. If they no longer drive at night, be supportive and offer a ride to functions that end after dark.
