The arrival of the Delaware State Fair means our staff will be spending time wandering around with our cameras and notebooks, looking for photo ops. Instead, we’d rather have the following fair jobs, both real and imagined.
Brian Citino, staff writer
1 Fortune Teller — I'd love to just give fake bad news all day to morons.
2 Featured musical act for one night — I can dream.
3 Anything that takes place inside in air conditioning.
Doug Denison, staff writer
1 Fried Dessert Inspector — Checks all fried desserts for quality and wholesomeness.
2 Demolition Derby Referee — Makes sure vehicles are sufficient for racing, replaces noncompliant cars with PT Cruisers.
3 Chief Carnival Game Rigsman — Ensures all basketball hoops are at least 1 inch smaller than regulation, messes with sights on BB guns, etc.
Jayne Gest, staff writer
1 Pastry judge — Someone has to taste all that cake, cookies and pie.
2 The person running the spotlights at the shows because I'd get to watch the entertainment for free.
3 Acrobat with Circus Hollywood (It’s new this year).
Sarika Jagtiani, staff writer
1 Trapeze artist — So I could flip and fly and wear spangles, and so I could burn off the calories accumulated in job 2.
2 Inventor of grotesquely fattening fried foods — Apparently the Texas State Fair is king of fried fare, including fried butter and fried Coke. I’ll work on trumping that.
3 The tiniest woman — I’m 5 feet 7 inches tall. I want to take her place and see if anyone demands his or her money back.
Maureen Raitz, editor
1 Drive a golf cart around the fairgrounds aimlessly — not to pick people up, just to drive around.
2 Bearded lady with a really bad fake beard.
3 Host of an appetizer cooking demonstration.