"Just the facts, ma'am," is a line that I would hear detectives say on television shows when I was growing up. Well, the crime here is being fat and out of shape.
"Just the facts, ma'am," is a line that I would hear detectives say on television shows when I was growing up.
The hysterical woman would be telling the police officer all of the least important information she could conjure, and all the hapless law enforcement official would want is the pertinent information. After considerable calming on the witness' part, we would find out the details that would help to solve the crime.
Well, the crime here is being fat and out of shape. I'm not going to tiptoe around and say "vertically challenged" or deconditioned; if you're fat and out of shape, don't blame me - thank me, because I'm here to help.
So, what are "the facts" of which I speak? If I tell you, are you going to put them to practice and determine if they are logical and lead toward appreciable results? Or will you vilify them as witchcraft, point your finger at me and look for comfort amongst other ostriches? The choice is yours, but don't blame me for what you get.
The less you eat like you eat, the less of you there will be. I will not sugarcoat this; eating sweets got you in this mess to begin with. You ate like crap for a long time and gained the 15 to 40 pounds that you jam into your elastic-waist dungarees, and now you want out of your self-imposed, Jell-O-based suit of armor? Well, if you eat how you ate the whole time you were gaining that weight, you're certainly not helping matters.
Here's the fact: When you start eating the same boring, protein-based meals over and over again, the slimmer you'll get. Sorry, it's true. My wife is cooking me chicken as I type this, if you're wondering.
Working out to gain muscle is brutally hard. Think about it; your body LOVES fat and HATES muscle. Do you think gaining it is going to take "10 easy minutes a day," like in the commercials? It will, if those 10 minutes are spent killing and then bench pressing a rhinoceros. Most people reading this column are close to or older than 40 years of age, and I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but the fact is you need to literally train hard enough to get physically ill in order to force your aging body into turning back the hands of time. We have a lot of machines at my gym, but none of them are time machines.
Your opinion doesn't matter. Opinions are subjective nonsense that spill from your mouth. Please refrain from sharing them unless someone hires you to (I covered my own glutes with that one!). Seriously, nobody argues with the surgeon who's about to take their appendix out; they know what they are doing. And yet, people will constantly weigh in (sorry) with their own views on fitness, while I'm thinking, "good thing I hired them" and shaking my internal head. Fact: do as you're told - your opinion matters to someone, but it is not me.
Darin St. George is a personal fitness coach at Gold's Gym in Natick, Mass. Visit his Web site at www.myspace.com/darinstgeorge.